Val Attempts In-Depth Interview with Kit

Kit: Tell me again. Exactly why are we doing this?

Val: Because our readers get to see stuff only through my eyes—

Kit: No kidding.

Val: —and I thought it might be nice to get to know you a little; hence—

Kit: Hence?  Really? You’re going with hence?

Val: It’s a word.

Kit: Okay, Anne Boleyn, what do you want to know?

Val: Why don’t you start by telling us a little about yourself?

Kit: Let’s see; many people compare me in looks to Catherine Zeta-Jones—

Val: I think you’re the only one who does that. Tell us something personal.

Kit: Like?

Val: Who’s your favorite aunt? What city were you born in? What was your first car?

Kit: Wait. Is this an interview, or am I choosing a new password?

Val: Let’s try this: what’s your favorite TV show?

Kit: Like I have time to watch TV.

Val: Okay, we’ll go with that. What do you do that prevents you from watching TV?

Kit: Ya know, in case you haven’t noticed, I spend a lot of time looking after you!

Val: Moving on. If you could have lunch with anyone in the world, dead or alive, who would you pick?

Kit: Coco Chanel

Val: Why?

Kit: You have to ask? You do know who Coco Chanel was, right?

Val: Well, of course. Everyone knows her. She invented the little black dress, right?

Kit: Big deal. How hard was that?

Val: I thought you liked her.

Kit: I said I’d have lunch with her, but I don’t have to like her.

Val: Okay, forget Coco. Tell us about your husband and son. What’s your favorite thing about them?

Kit: Larry—that would be my husband, Val—plays a lot of golf and is a partner in a very successful accounting firm.

Val: Yes, Larry is very smart.

Kit: However, not smart enough to balance the checkbook or come in out of the rain when he’s golfing.

Val: Let’s move on to Sam—

Kit: Do you mean Sam, my son?

Val: Yes, that’s who I mean. Tell me three of your favorite things about him.

Kit: He got through college without being arrested. That’s two things. And he lives in Texas.

Val: Nothing else?

Kit: Geez, you asked for three things; now you want more?  What kind of an interviewer are you?

Val: The good kind. Give me something else about Sam.

Kit: Okay; he sent me a ham for Mother’s Day—

Val: A ham?

Kit: Right. He knows I love cooking, so a thirty-pound lump of cold pork seemed appropriate. What did Emily send you?

Val: A gift card to Heavenly Doings Day Spa.

Kit: Just be sure when you go that you keep your purse with you all the time. I think they steal. And make sure they use towels that were laundered that day. Oh, and don’t let Valentina anywhere near you, especially if you’re getting a wax job. She says she’s French, but I think she’s from the South Side. And likes to inflict pain.

Val: I’ll make a note.

Kit: Oh, Valley Girl, you’ll lose your wallet five minutes after you step in the door. I better go with you.

Val: Do you have a plan?

Kit: Don’t I always?

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