Val: Where are you going on vacation?
Billie: Oh, Val, it’s going to be great. I’m hooking up with some people in Amsterdam, and we are renting a bus and driving to India.
Val: Wow. I had no idea. Who are these people?
Billie: Don’t know; we’ll meet in Amsterdam for the first time. If you want to come with, there’s always room for one more. But I should warn you: it’s kind of a rough way to travel. No showers, not even any bathrooms. You take only what you can fit in your backpack.
Val: Well, it sounds like heaven on earth, Bill (who was I kidding?), but I think I’ll pass.
Billie: Oh, Val, you are such a girl! What are you planning?
Val: Not sure, but somewhere with indoor plumbing.
Val: So where are you going on vacation?
Tom: Why do you think I’m going on vacation?
Val: Because it’s August. Don’t most people go in August?
Tom: Yes, they have a little ol’ casino there called Monte Carlo, so I’m told. Wanna go with?
Val: Sounds fancy. But I haven’t decided on my plans yet.
Mother: Valerie, William Stuckey and I are booking a Caribbean cruise for the last week in August. Should we book a cabin for you, or perhaps a suite where we can all be together?
Val: Gee, that sounds so fun, but I’ve already made vacation plans (lie!).
Mother: Really? You didn’t tell me that. Don’t let anyone talk you into getting cornrows in your hair, and don’t speak to any locals because people trafficking is on the rise, even if you are a bit old—”
Val: I’ll keep an eye out for braids and people smugglers—but oops, I’m getting a call-waiting, Mom. Gotta go (bigger lie).
Val: So what are you and Larry doing this summer?
Val: Russia! That’s a new one.
Kit: Yes, I want to see what all the fuss is about. Why don’t you come with us?
Val: Oh, that’s sweet, but I have other plans.
Kit: No, you don’t. Come with us, it’ll be fun. I’m looking at a private cooking class in Saint Petersburg. Blini and red caviar. Think of it, Val.
Val: Is that supposed to entice me? Enjoy, and bring me back some of those nesting dolls.
August: Me, lying on my couch, with a bottle of pinot and a humongous bowl of popcorn. DVR ready to go in honor of my family and friends. First movie Slumdog Millionaire, followed by Casino, then Pirates of the Caribbean. And finally From Russia with Love. Gee, travel is the BEST.